I thought I'd known love until I held my daughter in my arms for the first time. The feeling is something only a parent knows. It's as if your life is completed, as if you've finally found the love you've been looking for. You instantly know that you'd do anything for this child, that you never want to lose her. But then you get the news that she'll be losing you, soon. Very soon. A terminal illness is about to take me away from my baby girl.
It hurts my heart to know that I will not be able to watch my baby grow up. Guilt has consumed me every since I got the news. I'm going to leave my little girl in this world without me and nothing can change that, but I can leave something behind for her. I am able to leave behind video messages that I know she'll need as she grows up without a mother, without me.
I'll leave behind everything I can. I'll tell her about our family history, about what I enjoyed as a kid. I'll tell her about the times that my mother and I sung to the top of our lungs while dancing around the living room. I'll telll her about my best friend and our adventures. I'll tell her about my first heartbreak, in hopes that it'll help her when her heart is broken for the first time. I'll tell her about my struggles and about the times that I fell, so that she'll know that I picked myself up and that she can too when she's having a hard time. I'll tell her about how I loved her from the instant that I found out I was pregnant with her.
I may be leaving this earth very soon, but I will not leave without making sure I leave something special behind for my daughter.