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Added on Tue 13th Jul 2021 1:10am   Last edited on Wed 4th Aug 2021 10:14pm
#1

Victoria Clausen

Posts: 5
Location: New York
Member since: 6/07/2021

Resurfacing Grief

I'm okay most of the time, but there are days when I feel guilt, regret, and all these negative feelings at the same time. I don't know how to deal with it, so I try to ease my mind by reading books. Will these days ever stop? Even though I saw my parents' deaths coming, I still feel bad because I didn't treat them as well or make them as happy as I should have. Years have passed, and I've grown old myself, yet these heavy feelings still linger around.



Added on Sun 18th Jul 2021 7:24pm   Last edited on Sun 18th Jul 2021 7:24pm
#2

Myrna Kearney

Posts: 8
Location: Southeastern Kentucky
Member since: 11/04/2021

Is it your terminal illness that made these feelings resurface or have you always felt this way?  It sounds like you could use a good counselor.  Talk to the hospice social worker and see what the person says.  You shouldn't have to carry around such guilt.  

Added on Mon 19th Jul 2021 1:10am   Last edited on Mon 19th Jul 2021 1:10am
#3

Vernon Orr

Posts: 10
Location: KY
Member since: 3/04/2021

Nah, I reckon those feelings are pretty normal.  Heck, my parents have been gone for decades, and I still sometimes think about the time I made my mom cry because she was late when picking me up from ball practice.  I picture me yelling and her face crumpling in tears, and I'm instantly hit with shame.  I think it's common to feel like you should've acted differently towards loved ones.  And in a perfect world, I could've been that perfect son.  But we're all dealing with our own stressors, and we all have competing things that vie for our time, attention, and energy.  We do the best we can.  I believe my mom knew I loved her, no matter what.  I know she loved me unconditionally too.  Sometimes that's enough to let the rest go.

Added on Tue 20th Jul 2021 5:19am   Last edited on Tue 20th Jul 2021 5:19am
#4

Victoria Clausen

Posts: 5
Location: New York
Member since: 6/07/2021

Thank you for your concerns. Getting a counselor didn't cross my mind because days like these only happen occasionally. However, it's just heavy during the times it occurs. Writing about it eased my mind, and also hearing from you folks. The lingering grief may be a part of being human that we can only live with it. I'm grateful for the memories I shared with them all the same.