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Added on Wed 24th Feb 2021 11:48pm   Last edited on Mon 29th Mar 2021 2:55am

Jessa Patrick

Future Messages And Dementia

My father has demetia. I would love for him to record future messages, but I fear with his diagnosis any messages we record would be hard to watch, and ultimately, it wouldn't be worth it. Does anyone have any suggestions or ideas? 

Added on Thu 25th Feb 2021 9:21am   Last edited on Thu 25th Feb 2021 9:21am

CW Lewis

 Let him record his messages while he still can if that's what he wants to do.  He never has to watch them.  You never have to watch them.  Just don't presume that you absolutely won't wish to see them in the future when he's no longer around.  I don't know if he has other children, grandchildren, other relatives, or close friends, but those people might like to get a message as well.  It's one thing if he's not up for it.  In that case, I wouldn't pressure him.  But if he's game, then he should have the opportunity. 

Added on Sun 28th Feb 2021 11:19am   Last edited on Sun 28th Feb 2021 11:19am

Lillian Wilson

If making messages is going to harm your father or if he just doesn't want to do them or can't do them, then let it go and know you did your best caring for him.  It's a hard position to be in for sure.  Have you talked to hospice about it?  They might have some insight for you.  

Added on Sun 28th Feb 2021 5:55pm   Last edited on Sun 28th Feb 2021 5:55pm

Marvin Morgan

I have dementia and it's tough because I worry people won't value my words, since they might automatically discredit me because of my disease.  I remember the past pretty good though.  It's present day that I kind of wobble on.  I might be projecting though.  You should do what you think is best.  Some people with dementia get upset if their routine changes or if they can't remember something.  I can understand your hesitation, even if I disagree. 

Added on Sun 28th Feb 2021 11:14pm   Last edited on Sun 28th Feb 2021 11:14pm

Edith Harrison

Hi Jessa. I can certainly sympathize with your situation. I'm caring for my husband, who is in the late stages of dementia. If possible, I think you should have your father record some future messages. I certainly wish I had thought of doing something like that with my husband, before it became impossible. As others have said, you don't have to watch them. But, by recording them, you're giving others the option of watching them. By not recording them, you're taking away that choice. 


Added on Mon 1st Mar 2021 11:33pm   Last edited on Mon 1st Mar 2021 11:33pm

Randy Kirk

Jessa, thank you for being so candid with your feelings and your concerns. I agree with the others. It's best to record the messages, and even if you don't think you'll use them personally, they'll always be there in case you change your mind. 

I'm still procrastinating on recording my messages, and I understand that there's a finality to it that is hard to accept. But it's an important thing to do, and you'll probably look back and be happy you decided to have your father record his messages. 

Added on Tue 2nd Mar 2021 11:54pm   Last edited on Tue 2nd Mar 2021 11:54pm

Jessa Patrick

From the bottom of my heart, thank you so much for you feedback and help with my question. The grace and compassion this community shows its members is inspiring! 

I've decided to start recording messages with my dad. I'm going to ask him to tell stories from growing up on a dairy farm, as those memories are still clear. After that, we'll see. Thank you all again.

Added on Mon 29th Mar 2021 2:55am   Last edited on Mon 29th Mar 2021 2:55am

Matthew Dickson

I'm glad for you guys Jessa! It's a brave thing to do the recording knowing that it may be hard for you to watch it in the future. Dementia is a painful disease in a lot of ways that I think the best we can do for them is to appreciate their initiatives regardless of what might happen in the coming years.