Community
News
Veteran
Support
Invite Your
Friends to Join
Added on Tue 18th Aug 2020 9:13pm   Last edited on Tue 1st Sep 2020 10:58pm
#1

Marcie Keel

Mourning the loss of my grandfather

My grandfather passed away just over a month ago. He was healthy and was my grandmother's caregiver. She has severe COPD and is on 100% oxygen. I'm now taking care of gram. I feel horrible because I didn't really get to mourn the loss of my gramps. Anytime now that I cry or mention him my gram gets upset. She blames herself for his death. I try to not think about him but it's hard because I'm living at their house.

Added on Sun 23rd Aug 2020 6:56pm   Last edited on Sun 23rd Aug 2020 6:56pm
#2

Derek T.

My heart breaks for you, Marcie, I'm so sorry about your grandfather!   You could both benefit from bereavement counseling.  Is that an option?  Your grandmother needs to deal with her guilty feelings because that's some heavy stuff to carry around.  Does her doctor know how she feels?  You can always come here to talk about your grandfather or anything else and you'll find support.  

Added on Sun 23rd Aug 2020 11:32pm   Last edited on Sun 23rd Aug 2020 11:32pm
#3

Sherry Price

You have my deepest sympathy!  It sounds like he was a wonderful grandfather and husband. 

Part of the flight instructions is a reminder to put your oxygen mask on first, before you begin assisting others. It makes sense.  You can't save someone else if you can't breathe.  I appreciate that you want to be strong for your grandmother, but in order to be there for her, you need to be there for yourself first.  If you're not able to get out and about due to your caregiving duties, maybe an online grief support group would help.  You can find a list of groups at https://www.verywellmind.com/best-online-grief-support-groups-4842333.

Added on Tue 1st Sep 2020 10:58pm   Last edited on Tue 1st Sep 2020 10:58pm
#4

Virginia Chambers

I'm a widow and I acted as my late husband's caregiver, so I have deep empathy for your grandmother.  Different people mourn differently, so I'm going to go against the group and say that you should leave her be and respect her wishes to not bring him up   That doesn't mean she gets to control how you mourn though.  Find a family member who is open to talking about your grandfather and his legacy.   Find a support group to join.  Try writing out your thoughts in a journal,  Maybe being in his home is just too much for you right now.  There's no shame in saying someone else will need to step in while you grieve.  By the way, don't be surprised if you and your grandmother flip preferences.  She might be ready to open up about how she feels, just as you're ready to move on.  It happens.