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Added on Sun 7th Jan 2018 11:05am   Last edited on Wed 2nd May 2018 4:02pm

Pamela Spear


This disease is something huge for me and my family to bear. Unlike most people here, I am not yet married, so I don't have to worry about my husband or children. I don't know how I'd last to see the people around me suffering because of my illness. I wouldn't blame them if they feel relief when this is all over. In fact, I want them to feel like that. It's unhealthy to live like this. I also want to tell them that I'm relieved. Whatever happens, everyone does their best.

It's really great that I can say those things thanks to this service. I'm very thankful.

Added on Tue 9th Jan 2018 2:51am   Last edited on Tue 9th Jan 2018 2:51am

Sofia Rodriguez

Pamela, I take it that your pneumonia is still holding on. I hope things aren't getting worse.  I imagine that dealing with HIV and pneumonia isn't easy on you or your family as you mentioned.  Attending a support group might help.

I've gained new insight about my terminal diagnoses while posting here.  I can get down in the dumps, wallowing in "woe is me" but I've since realized through participating here  that I have a lot to be thankful for.  I've lived a long, happy life.  My daughters are grown.  My hospice nurses are incredibly kind.  I've always been a Christian and I find that my faith gives me peace. It took reading here before I finally got some perspective.  

Added on Tue 20th Feb 2018 11:31am   Last edited on Tue 20th Feb 2018 11:31am

Sylvia D.

I haven't yet reached a point where I want relief for myself or my family. In fact, I would really like for a cure to miraculously come along so I can stay here much longer than the doctors think I will. I'm sure as the days get worse, I'll want relief and I will want my family to be free of seeing me in pain, but for now, I'm mad and I want to stay as long as possible.

Pamela, I do agree that this service has been a welcoming, calming experience and I'm happy to hear you are taking some comfort from it. No matter what we feel from day to day, finding some peace in this chaotic sea is the most we can ask for.

Added on Wed 2nd May 2018 4:02pm   Last edited on Wed 2nd May 2018 4:02pm

Jasmine Robinson

Pamela, you express hard topics beautifully and that's given me a starting point for my own difficult conversations.  I'm glad you're a member of this community.  Your words have had a tremendous impact.