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Added on Thu 2nd Nov 2017 9:41pm   Last edited on Mon 4th Jun 2018 1:50am

Lena Powell

Feeling like a failure

My husband and I went to our monthly meeting with the doctor and there was no significant improvement of my condition. I saw that devastated feeling on his face and he told me about how he felt so useless for not being able to do more. I'm so worried that he and the children would continue feeling this way for a long time. Is there anything I can do via my videos and messages to help them not beating themselves up too much?

Added on Fri 3rd Nov 2017 9:28am   Last edited on Fri 3rd Nov 2017 9:28am

Kim Jaski

It's so devastating that this can affect our families in this way. I don't know if there's any one thing that can make them feel better. If you or your family is religious, then you could go that route, saying this is God's plan and you're going to be in a better place. Even if you're not, you could always just try to reiterate that this is no one's fault and you appreciate their love and support during this time. That it was the reason you were able to make it through everything. Let them know that they are heroes to you. 

Added on Wed 6th Dec 2017 2:32pm   Last edited on Wed 6th Dec 2017 2:32pm

Sofia Rodriguez

Lena, as cliche as it sounds, I'm so sorry to hear both your doctor's news and about your husband's devastating and guilt over it.  I've felt that same way when I've been the caretaker and I know my kids feel that  way since they're the ones helping me.  Even when faced with a terminal diagnoses, we'd like to think that we can prolong life for ourselves and loved ones as long as possible.  In reality it either doesn't work that way, or it's at too high of a cost.  I mean, I don't want to live for an extra week if it means staying in the hospital for days and days. I don't want to live a few additional months if it means avoiding people because of their germs.  

I think you have a good idea about explaining how you feel in a recording.  It will be a constant reminder that they've done all they can.  I made a video just reminding my daughters that my focus has always been on my quality of life and how I couldn't have had that without their loving kindness and tremendous help.  

Added on Mon 4th Jun 2018 1:50am   Last edited on Mon 4th Jun 2018 1:50am

Leslie Graham

We take the medicines and bear with the painful treatments because we have hopes, but we can also feel hurt by those hopes. That is something my family and I went through as well. It was tough, but we marched on. Everyone will need some time to come to terms with the things they can't change. Your videos can probably help them to remember that you don't love them any less and how much their support means to you.

It has been a while, so I'm wondering about how you and your family are doing. I hope everything is okay.